zoey.  
she was sitting in the middle of nowhere. she wasn’t overreacting with that thought – she found a place for which she figured no one would be at late afternoon. she wanted to be alone; mostly because she was really upset about everything that was happening. it felt like she was losing control and she hated it. besides, she couldn’t get axel’s words out of her head. did she know what she was doing? did she really? or was she just another lost soul, heading for destruction? she didn’t want to fail, goddamn it. honestly, she always sucked when it came to people and relationships – but she was good at maths and science and everything she was working so hard for. did that help? no. the math problem she was currently working on was driving her crazy and she was starting to doubt everything. she sighed heavily and threw her stupid notebook away. it landed nearby and she buried her head in her hands. she never felt like that. she hated it. right now, she hated herself for not being a person she wanted to be. it would be so much easier. she was pathetic – siting by a tree and feeling sorry for herself. that was probably the main reason she went here. it was isolated enough. until she suddenly noticed a girl – a very lovely girl for that matter – and she looked away, hoping that she will just walk away. hazel honestly couldn’t handle talking to anyone.  

she actually had no idea that she was so fragile. all that time she honestly thought that she was a strong person. fine, she was a shy and sometimes awkward and definitely calm person, but she was supposed to be a strong one as well. it was hard to get to her, but this time… it was too much, yes. definitely too much and she felt like everything was collapsing on her. she didn’t like it. it was making her feel all sorts of uncomfortable to be vulnerable like that and the only reason she felt relatively safe at the moment was the fact that she seriously doubted that anyone would come near the tennis court. turns out she was wrong. the girl was approaching her and before she even realized, she was kneeling next to her and there was no way of avoiding her eyes. “um, yeah,” she nodded, her voice sounding way weaker than she’d like it to be. she hated that too. “I mean, of course. it is a…” she tried to paint a smile on her face, but failed miserably, “nice day. and everything is…” she didn’t have that much air – why was that? it felt like she had something stuck in her throat. “everything is so stupid!” she all of a sudden proclaimed and felt anger boiling somewhere inside of her, even though the weak feeling was still stronger. “I hate it. I hate everything and trust me, I am a nice person who never hates stuff! but I hate everything and maybe he was right and I really don’t know what I’m doing. I always sucked with people, you know? they confuse me and I found maths to be so calming and now apparently I can’t even do maths, so what is the point?” her voice broke and she had to bit her lip to stop it from shaking and then she realized what she just did. “I mean, oh my god, I am so sorry. I am alright,” she looked up at the girl, but when their eyes met she could feel her whole body shaking and she had to hug her knees and hide her face. this was a so bad. god, what was she even doing? 

she was trying to breathe normally now. it took her a lot of effort, but it was something, right? she didn’t even know why the hell she needed to ask herself such things. it was obvious that she was a wreck and she felt stupid because this adorable person had to find her like that. they could’ve met somewhere else. somewhere nice, someplace where hazel would be able to act normal or at least as normal as she was capable of. not like that; this was all wrong. the girl was perfect: hazel had to look at her as she spoke. “I don’t cry,” she muttered, almost stubbornly, but then she realized she was being rude again and looked at the girl. “I mean, no, of course I should apologize. I am acting like a… gosh, I don’t even know what. I don’t usually do that, I swear,” she managed to say without her voice being all weird and that was an achievement. “but I don’t cry. I mean, I never cried. but you are being such a sweetheart and trying to help me and all,” she was starting to feel her body shaking again. why was this happening? damn it. she was quiet, listening to the girl talk and then she smiled a little. it was a weak smile, but it was something. “well, I kinda did call him an idiot. which was rude, but he was really annoying and he was being a smartass,” she didn’t know why she was explaining all of that, but she felt like she had to. she looked at the girl as she went on with talking about maths and she could feel the fight inside of her. she was quiet for few seconds. “no,” she blurted out before she could even stop herself. she was such a mess! how did she stop that? “I mean, that is very nice, but I would hate myself if I allowed anyone else to do stuff for me. can you just try to explain some things to me? it is bothering me so much and I usually never ask for help. if this would be any other day, I’d just go to the library and be there until I’d figure it out. I am supposed to be smart, you know. but today… I guess this was too much and I broke down and gosh, now you made me cry,” she giggled a little, even though the first tear really did find its way down her cheek now and she could feel herself blushing a little.

she was trying to pull herself together; honestly, she was, but it somehow didn’t work. all her usual methods – from breathing slowly to closing eyes and getting lost in thoughts – failed her and she felt more lost than ever. what was she even doing? and this girl was the sweetest person she has met on this campus and there she was, making a fool of herself. “everyone need to stop saying that,” she complained as the girl told her that she should stop apologizing. “I mean, I am british, for heaven sake. I apologize. I say things like ‘dear’ and ‘gosh’ and ‘sorry’ all the time,” she explained and then sighed, “besides, I just… okay, I don’t know,” she decided and gave up. “and maybe I say wonderful stuff sometimes too. even though I don’t usually talk to people. people scare me. yes, I know, people are just people and they shouldn’t make me nervous, but I don’t get people and they do make me nervous,” she admitted. she was far from her comfort zone with this girl, but at this point she didn’t even care that much. she listened to her carefully and then shook her head. “oh, no. he is actually quite nice and he tried to help me but I guess that he is bad with people as well. he honestly turned out to be a likeable person,” she explained and smiled weakly. axel was a nice person indeed, even though his words were still somehow haunting her. “you slapped a person?” her eyes were widened now. “I guess that some people deserve to be slapped,” she said quieter and then seemed shocked by the words that just came out of her mouth. “the notebook is… there,” she pointed towards the direction. “I threw it away,” she admitted and then shrugged. well, she did that and there was no point in hiding it, even though she was starting to feel really weird again. “but you are so nice,” she pointed out with the weirdest voice ever and tried to smile, even though she failed desperately at that. “who are you?” were her next words and then she corrected herself quickly while catching her breath because the crying process started and that included sobbing. “I mean, what is your name? I am hazel,” the last words were almost a whisper, but she could probably hear them.  

”but you are right,” she quietly admitted, clearly displeased with that. “I mean, I know I should stop. I am terribly awkward sometimes and it feels safe to just… do things the way I’m used to. I know I should stop being like that and all, but… well, it is not that easy. I have to regulate myself. am I even making sense? I am so not making sense now,” she observed, but went on nonetheless, “sometimes I’m really shy and then I will explode and tell someone a bunch of stuff I really mean but it is going to be really harsh as well. I just… can’t help it,” she smiled. another weak smile lighted up her face for few seconds. “oh, but people are really fascinating as well!” she declared and then realized that she came in contrary with herself, which made her think for a few seconds, before she shrugged it off. she listened to her words carefully, nodding when she felt like that was necessary. she watched her new acquaintance as she went to get her notebook and then wiped her tears. “thank you,” she muttered and then her face was really surprised at the next second because she recognized the name. “oh my gosh,” she said and straightened her back, “you are that zoey, aren’t you?” she said and then all of a sudden giggled. “and now I am almost behaving like I met royalty. you have to excuse me, but I am in a bad place right now and the only reason I’m here is because I didn’t think that anyone would show up,” she admitted. she heard a lot of stuff about this girl, but she pushed it aside as she smiled at her; it was a wide, almost charming smile this time for the first time since they met. “it is really nice to meet you. you are so lovely it’s almost unbelievable,” she admitted and she was telling the truth: this girl was amazing.

she thought about her words for few seconds and then sighed. “yeah, I am not sure I want to do that.” she realized how that came off and quickly went on; “I mean, it isn’t about you, you are perfect. I just don’t ever want to explode like this again. it is weird. I don’t like it,” she admitted with a confused look on her face. yeah, it was really weird and not very likable, but also… kinda good. it felt good, it made her feel a bit calmer and better and much more like herself, so that was good. but at what price? “help, yes,” zoey managed to get her attention in matter of seconds and she carefully pulled the notebook into her lap and went back a few pages. “see, that is the whole problem,” she explained and then went few pages forward. “and here is a blank page. I’m afraid that everything in between are my attempts to solve the problem, “ she explained with a tiny smile on her face. it was probably around ten pages. hazel could be very persistent if she wanted to, but it didn’t help her much this time. she was looking at the problem again, her eyebrows already frowning. she was just partly listening to zoey and she just murmured “thank you,” when she felt like she should, but then realized what the other girl was saying she immediately looked up. “I mean, what? are you sure? that is an awfully nice thing to say,” she smiled at her, “but I promise I am not all that… special?” she tried, because she wasn’t even sure which word to use. no one ever told her anything like that. ever. it was a bit confusing to hear those words from one of the most beautiful and friendly and adorable and everything girl she has ever met.

she was most definitely intrigued by the beautiful girl in front of her. she was amazing, actually. hazel realized that this day could, after all, bring something good and that something good was the petite brunette. she was also very smart which mattered way more than anything to hazel. she was simply the kind of person who fascinated her and even though there were a lot of people who had that effect on her something was still telling her that zoey was special. “thank you,” she smiled, “I will remember that. even though I don’t think I could ever yell at you. I’d feel really, [i]really bad about it,”[/b] she admitted. she was simply too nice; too wonderful even and hazel would never do as much as consider the possibility of letting her anger out on her. it wouldn’t be right. and then they focused on the maths problem – the thing that was bugging her so much and also the only thing that she could find a solution to at the moment. with a lot of zoey’s help, of course. hazel was obviously too frustrated with the problem to consider all the possibilities, but then zoey started talking and everything cleared up. she was amazed. she honestly was; it was actually not even that hard and even though a part of her wanted to be angry with herself, the other part was stronger and that part was really grateful to zoey. “can I?” she said and carefully took the pencil and added few things with her neat handwriting; the solution zoey was asking for was there. “and if I do that here, then I just have to add this…” she was murmuring to herself now and she draw the connections and came to the final solution quite quickly. the expression on her face must’ve been amazed and also a bit frustrated. she did what zoey told her and frowned. “oh gosh, I was actually almost close,” she giggled, “I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t mean just maths,” she admitted and then smiled. “you are like, the friendliest person I met here.” she caught the look of her eyes, hesitated for a second and then blurted out: “will I be able to see you again?”  

she smiled widely now. “I am most definitely grateful. and a bit ashamed, to be honest. I didn’t expect anyone to find me here like that; it wasn’t one of my best moments,” she said; she meant if, even though she really wasn’t all that proud of herself. she always thought she wasn’t like that; she was supposed to be strong. thankfully, there was zoey – that beautiful, beautiful person helped her realize that strong isn’t always about holding everything inside. she had no idea how much all of that meant to hazel, but it wasn’t important. hazel knew. and she was very amazed and thankful to her. she would usually be anything but calm, meeting a person like her, but this time she was too shaken up and too upset about the whole word. she didn’t get like this often – but apparently that was why it was so intense when it did. she sighed and then looked at zoey who distracted her thoughts. “yeah, still all thanks to you. wait, do you study maths? I mean, you are really good at it,” she acknowledged with a spark of interest in her eyes. she was really enjoying this – she didn’t usually enjoy the whole conversation with a person because sooner or later they said something which was hard to imagine for her and she found herself lost and confused. even though zoey did say some surprising things – well, hazel wasn’t that confused this time. it made sense. it should’ve, zoey seemed like someone who knew exactly what she was doing. “thank you,” she whispered, “I mean, not a lot of people would care,” she smiled with a weak, but thankful smile. “you…” she started and then remained quiet for a few seconds; all of that was somehow hard for her and she didn’t usually do anything like that. she simply didn’t put herself in such situations because, well, she was scared. “I honestly don’t usually do parties, but I guess I could?” she seemed concerned about the idea all of a sudden; people and probably loud music was not something she was used to handling, but with zoey in the picture… well, it wouldn’t hurt her to meet new people as well, right? she should stop being a little coward she was and so she nodded her head. “yeah, I would like that.” with these words, she ended the battle inside of her.  

she had to smile again. she already got rid of her previous annoyance and desperation and now felt almost like herself. “if you say so. but still, honestly, thank you for… everything,” she said, using the word that described altogether. she was thankful for her company, her help and also the time she used to make her feel better. she didn’t know a lot of people who would do that for a total stranger – but she was most definitely happy that they were past the strangers now. “that is smart,” she said. “a lot of the people would rather chose something they find easy instead of actually trying to find a challenge,” she frowned a little to herself, because that was way too true. “I study theoretical and mathematical biology. I love it; I do, even though it obviously annoys me sometimes,” she couldn’t help herself but smile. yeah, it annoyed her – but never as much as it did in the past few moments. she still loved it, though. she nodded her head yes as zoey went on talking about going out. maybe that would be a perfect thing for one of the three things she tried to do every day. after all, going out definitely scared her. she turned her notebook around, wrote down her number with her neat handwriting, added her name and surname and then carefully pulled the paper out and handed it to zoey. “text me or call me or something,” she smiled at her. she was beyond beautiful, that girl. “but now I really should be going,” she all of a sudden realized what the time was. “I have somewhere to be. so, until the next time, I guess?” she quickly gathered her things and looked at zoey for the last time. “it was awfully nice to meet you.” and then she hurried towards the institute.

- done!