she  was trying really hard to get into the goddamn lab for the past few days and the professor kept telling her it was taken. it was driving her crazy; she read about that experiment and she had to try it out herself. she finally managed to convince the professor to let her do it; she used her calm and determined voice and she told him all her arguments for why she should be allowed into the lab and now there she was. she had a bunch of books with her and she was there as soon as the lab cleared out. there was a smile on her face when she arranged everything and prepared the experiment. she was happy in her own little world and she felt quite comfortable – as long as someone walked in. she didn’t pay that person a lot of attention – after all, she was aware of the fact that she will have to share the lab with someone, but then she let her eyes wander and she could feel her body stiffen  as she recognized him. of course she recognized him, who wouldn’t? she wasn’t good with people or names, but she read a paper he wrote and one of her professors declared ‘a true masterpiece’. but then again, he was probably a jerk. she tried to concentrate again and she was actually doing pretty well until he broke the silence for the second time. the first time he greeted her and she just smiled in his direction, too busy to do anything else. now… now she was confused. “I’m sorry?” she needed few moments to completely register what he said. a quiet “oh,” left her lips and she forced herself to look at him. “yeah, um, I didn’t mean to disturb you, but just… no,” she said, feeling slightly annoyed by his presence. “I need those. but I will try to work quieter,” she said, clearly confused. she didn’t realize she was being that loud – but then again, she never liked getting into arguments with people.

she  knew that! she knew what he was telling her with that know-it-all expression on his face. she was taught that when she was still in elementary school and she could handle all her stuff pretty well, but it was just… it was just that he was there and her concentration dropped and now she was making the most basic mistakes and worst of all, he was there to witness it all. god, what did he think about her now? wait, that didn’t matter. well, it wasn’t supposed to matter, but it did. damn. she had to pull herself together and she had to do it fast, because he was standing right next to her now. she was cursing in her head but looking at him a bit impatiently, even though she could feel her face blushing and her hands starting to shake because of the frustration – after all, she did know that. “um, thank you,” she murmured, deciding she will be nice and just let it go. the faster he goes away, the faster she will be free and just… she could just leave, yes. she was looking at tubes, trying really hard to avoid eye contact but then he said his last words and her eyes were suddenly on his. she wasn’t used to people talking like that to her; besides, she knew she was totally able of doing the experiment perfectly well on her own. ” yes, I know what I am doing. and I appreciate your effort; I really do, but you are making it hard to appreciate because you are being an idiot right now.” oops. no wait, that wasn’t what she was going to say. that wasn’t her at all. “I mean, um. yeah, I know. I know all of the stuff you just said. and I didn’t mean to…” call you an idiot? yeah, even though he was kinda being an idiot and she was blushing again. that was why she usually didn't talk with people that much.

she was always trying to be nice with people. okay, she had to admit that the whole socializing thing tend to scare her or at least confuse her, but she was trying to do her best. she got along with them nicely if the conversation was focused on something she knew or something she had to do. but this was a whole different thing. she did know the things he pointed out. but she was just so confused and now that she was looking him in the eyes, everything seemed… weird. besides, she called him an idiot. who does that? that wasn’t nice or polite or anything, even though she did still think he deserved it. he totally deserved it! he didn’t know a thing about her and he could try to nicely help her. it would be a proper thing to do! and now he was going through her notes and she felt slightly uncomfortable about that. she was bad at dealing with people – he was apparently just an asshole. “yeah, I’ll take your observation into consideration,” she murmured and felt a lot better when he put the notebook away. and then he walked away and she felt like she could breathe again. everything was messed up, as far as her current mental state and experiment were concerned. she put the glasses away and pushed her hair away before his voice caught her by surprise. “mathematical and theoretical biology,” she replied and grabbed her notebook, closing it without a sound. she was battling with herself and then looked at him again. “you know, I read your paper. the one about cells reproduction and it was really great, even though I didn’t expect to meet you or anything, but it was just good, I think I should acknowledge that,” the words were out before she could stop them. she was blushing again. “my point is, I don’t think you are such a huge idiot, I mean, you can’t be, that paper was… brilliant,” and you seriously have to be a better person because it would suck if you were really such an idiot she finished in her head, but she already made quite a weird point and her eyes were on her books again.

“I will make sure that I do that the next time,” she nodded her head, making a little note to herself. “I mean, I usually try to do that, but I was too busy trying to actually get into the lab. but that is no excuse,” she reminded herself with a sigh. god, that was confusing. the part of her believes was telling her to always acknowledge someone’s great work  and it was hitting her on the head right now. besides, it was really weird that she told him that he was an idiot and in the next moment she took that back – well, at least somehow – and told him he was… smart. brilliant, that was the word she used. and now she was slightly afraid of his reaction. why was she always afraid of people? people were just people, they shouldn’t make her nervous. she knew that. but it didn’t help.  she looked at him as he spoke. “it is a lovely hobby,” she said, because she felt like she should say something. god, she was so british sometimes. “no, I mean… no,” she tried to object, but then he chuckled and she realized he didn’t even take it that badly. was he laughing at her now? that didn’t help her confusion or her annoyance by him. “oh, that,” were her words almost a whisper as she realized she screwed herself over. not good. “um, it’s just that… I…. well…” goddamn it. she had to make sense out of her words. “I just know who you are.” yeah, she didn’t quite achieve what she wanted, but it was close enough. her cheeks were burning now and she noticed she was nervously wrapping a strand of her hair around a finger so she stopped. 

well this was awkward. she couldn’t shake that thought off and she was just really confused, even though she was trying awfully hard to hold herself together. a part of her wanted to run away. literally, she was prepared to grab her books, murmur a poorly prepared excuse and just walk away. it would be so simple and nice! but then again, she needed to face her fears and whatever, so she stayed and managed to put all the equipment on its place to start the whole thing again. “yeah, I know. they explained that to me. multiple times,” she said, again a bit confused. why did she feel the need to explain stuff to him? he was just… someone. yes. she was pulling herself together. breathing. trying to relax. she should’ve done that experiment with no problems at all and there he was, walking towards her again and sitting down. damn it! she was watching him carefully until there was his hand in front of her, clearly waiting for her to do whatever he told her to. “you do realize that you can’t just… do stuff for people like that?” she was sure of that – she didn’t know why was she reaching for things he wanted and placing it on his palm, careful not to touch him. “I mean, that trick must be really helpful with girls, but… I mean, not that I am…” she stopped and took a sharp breath. god, what the hell was she doing? “I am just not used to people doing my work,” she explained with a quieter voice. “I usually do it alone. it’s the way I like it and I figure things out eventually,” she assured him. she was talking too much. was she talking too much? she was definitely talking too much. “but… thank you.” it was the very first time she smiled at him. it was a tiny smile, but it was honest enough – she did appreciate it and no matter what she thought of him, it was nice to have help every now and then. 

she handed him whatever he wanted. it was weird and she felt like a little schoolgirl, but she already called him an idiot today, so she had to be lovely and she had to play nice. it was as simple as that. she held her breath for a few seconds after he spoke, trying to calm herself. it was not easy to make her upset. it was not easy to make her feel anger boiling somewhere deep down, but this… this brilliant-idiot-axel-something managed to do it. “what?” she tried to interrupt him, before he would go even further and make things even weirder, but she wasn’t able to find words. “no, stop,” she tried and then shook her head. “I didn’t say any such thing! my words didn’t even suggest that…” then she realized her words were suggesting exactly that and she shook her head again, this time with a bit of anger in her eyes. “no. just no, okay? I am not… you are not… oh,” she closed her eyes for a second and he just went on talking and she realized exactly why she called him an idiot earlier. because he was one. “thank you for the explanation, which I didn’t need,” she said and she realized she was strongly holding the cupboard now. she let go and looked at him with clear annoyance in her eyes. “oh my god, you really think you are being helpful right now,” and there she went again with the brutal honestly that usually wasn’t acceptable in normal circumstances. “I am not saying anything like that. my first instinct is still to walk away from you and avoid you because honestly, you are… ugh, yes,” she didn’t find a word and she did not want to call him an idiot again. even though that would be an appropriate word. “and thank you, but you obviously don’t want me anywhere near your cells and I am not going to put myself in another situation which I will not enjoy at all, so I will have to decline. I am just trying to be nice here and you are making this very hard on me and hey, I get it. I will get out of your face as soon as possible.” it was too harsh for her, but at least she wasn’t blushing anymore – she was way past that. she pulled yourself together. “okay, so what are you doing there?” yeah, that’s how curious she was.

this was getting out of control. hazel loved control, she really did – she liked knowing what was going on and she absolutely loved it if she was able to do whatever she wanted to. but right now she felt trapped. even more than that. and he was looking into her eyes with that weirdly intense stare and she felt somehow weak in her knees and she hated it; all of it was like one of her nightmares. “yeah, okay, you are not hitting on me. that would be impossible anyway, so fine!” her voice was getting weird. stronger somehow. he was older than her; he was smarter and probably way more used to people and she knew he probably had girls lining up for him. why the hell did she even start babbling about flirting in the first place? it wasn’t anywhere in her mind. her lips were a thin line now – he was challenging her to finish her sentence and she was holding her words back with every strength of power she had. she couldn’t just throw everything she had in her mind at him – it would be cruel. not nice, that was for sure. “as a matter of fact, I love biochemistry. but you… no, I can’t stay next to you for longer than I would need to. I am so terribly sorry, but you honestly are… acting really weird. and kinda still being an idiot. so thank you, but no,” there was a fire in her words now and she felt so angry when he brushed her words off with a simple ‘figure it out’ and she was suddenly holding her notebook and a pen in her hands, carefully observing his every action while writing stuff down. she did it right this time – she wrote every important detail, every formula, every assumption and hypothesis and finished the whole thing up around the time he was done with putting things away. yeah, she was angry and upset and that was not something she’d be used to. “I figured it out,” she said; she used all of the knowledge she had and did her best. it was good. it had to be. she was better with written words than talking anyway. but she wasn’t going to wait around to hear him mock her some more. she pushed her notebook to him and then grabbed her books, her hands still shaking as she pulled her bag around her shoulder and walked away. as she closed the doors behind her, she realized how rude that was. and stupid; leaving him with all the equipment and most of all – damn it, she left him her notebook. it was important to her; she had all her ideas and findings in there, but she couldn’t go back now. she closed her eyes for a second and then forced herself to walk away.