tag; rain

he was only starting to get the hang of things. they called him in later than usual and first few weeks of classes had already gone by. he was making himself cozy in the new apartment and luckily the campus stayed pretty much the same since the last time he was here. that was long five years ago. ironically he didn’t change either. the only thing that changed was the fact he wasn’t a student anymore but had a job. and he wasn’t flying from one woman to another but was trying to form something concrete with his fiancée. he wasn’t doing a stellar job at it, though. after few months of engagement and after three years of relationship he already saw the doom day approaching. he’ll never be able to go through with it and sooner or later he will ditch her. how pathetic he was, really. the hour was late. too late for any of the students to walk around campus ground. most of them were in the dorms or at villas. everything was already closed. except for the doors that led into the greenhouse. he walked towards the open door and stepped inside. the light wasn’t fully on, but was dimmed. ‘’hello?’’ he said into the thin air. he left the door as it was and his eyes wandered around the greenhouse. and settled on the pink haired girl sitting on a bench in front of some tropical flowers. ‘’how on earth did you get in?’’ he wondered out loud as he stepped a tad closer to her. he knew her. relatively. her mother owned the art gallery he worked at back in the new york and she occasionally stopped by. she was a peculiar little thing, that one.  ‘’rainbow, right?’’ he made sure he got the right name and the right girl, but it was hard to forget her. those pink hair were a giver. ‘’the greenhouse is supposed to close at this time… you should go back to your dorm.’’

his steps were impossibly cautious. he never knew what to do with himself around her. he said one thing and then she went and turned it all around. it wasn’t as if she was a chaos on legs. she simply twisted everything and spun it around until it was fit for her imagination. that’s why they rarely talked even when she came to visit her mother. he did a mistake of trying to make her leave one of his classes. he did he bet to explain it to her that she can’t sit at the table in the back and murmur some song. she stayed there and didn’t move an inch, she made him nervous. and now he had to do the same thing. get her to leave a place where she wasn’t supposed to be. except that he was failing already. ‘’I work here. thanks to your mother,’’ he replied and he should probably correct her usage of his first name only. crap. he wasn’t used to the whole professor bit. he was used to being maddox, or randall. something without authority. ‘’you shouldn’t be here, rainbow,’’ he refused to use the shorter term and he was stupid or just really naïve to believe she will listen to him. she sat there on the bench, her legs crossed and her lips absently smiling. ‘’rainbow…’’ he started at her request. denial was already at the tip of his tongue. yet, he didn’t go through with it. he sighed and pushed his hands into the front pockets of his pants then went to sit down beside her. which he shouldn’t do. he should insist on her leaving. he wasn’t looking at flowers she was talking about. he was looking at her, his forehead creased with some wrinkles. did anyone ever figured her out? probably not. it was impossible. impossible. ‘’not particularly,’’ he then replied. it was probably the wrong answer, but he really didn’t find flowers all that special. there were other things inscribed into his mind that tickled his creativity and steamed It up. ‘’I find other things more special. sky. wind. waves,’’ he said despite the fact he should end this absurd conversation as soon as possible.

he nodded because he felt incredibly awkward beside her and there was simply nothing he could say to that. yeah, her mother was a great boss and most of the time allowed him to do whatever the hell he wanted. he felt fucking twenty years old again which was stupid and silly. he’ll be thirty next year and he wasn’t able to make a proper conversation to some overly hyperactive college student. pathetic, really just sad. now she was frowning. why was she frowning? he was probably looking at her as if she were some wild crazed animal that he knew nothing about and had no idea what she’ll do next. another weird question popped up for which he wasn’t prepared at all. ‘’it’s a name. names are just names. they don’t hold much importance. or at least so I want to believe. you do look like a rainbow though,’’ why was he so careful not to disappoint her? but he probably already did. she lived in another world 100% of the time, while he only moved there when he worked. and even then he preferred dark and cold colors of gray and blue. she was all pink and glittering. ‘’I see them, rainbow. I just don’t find them all that beautiful,’’ he sighed and then forced himself to look at the massive orchid she was pointing too. it had the most vivid colors, though ones to mix. ‘’I…’’ he stopped before even getting out more than a simple pronoun. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ he managed to mutter out. he was looking at those flowers she appreciated so much. sculpturing was his preference, but he wasn’t so shabby with the brush. ‘’if I paint, I don’t use those colors. they don’t… um, speak to me I guess. so I don’t pay much attention to them. it’s not that I don’t like flowers. I just prefer other things. stormy things. impatient things. restless things. flowers are just vivid and still and are always there. they blossom and they wilt. that’s all that they do,’’ well that was more than one sentence. finally making a progress. however he wasn’t looking at her anymore. it’s not that a flower girl would be able to understand his fascination with objects and events that never bloomed. they only thrived and destroyed.

he let out a slow breath while she talked about researching his name. ‘’oh. okay,’’ seemed the most reasonable thing to say. he turned back to the flowers, deciding it was best to not look at her longer than necessarily. what was that proverb about the sun? it was spectacular but it you stared at it for too long you got blind or burned, or something. well, she was the sun in this case. ‘’I know you have pink hair,’’ he established, searching for the right words. he wasn’t the best conversationalist out there. he was social, he liked meeting new people and it wasn’t exactly a problem to him to talk to strangers. but he expressed himself in different manners and not through words. ‘’but I wasn’t talking about your hair. I was… talking about your personality. it’s very vibrant. something you don’t come along often, so are rainbows,’’ he started to explain, only half-content with the way he managed to do it. ‘’I don’t consider them as beautiful, I’m sorry,’’ he now only shook his head, knowing full well she won’t give up this issue any time soon. he only wished she’ll soon realize there was no way of him changing his mind. he looked back as she mentioned destruction and summed it all in a perfect nutshell. it was tragic. it was heartbreakingly beautiful and that was the whole point of it. how it moved you in the most profound way of all. he never appreciated moments of happiness. but he remembered all the dark periods. ‘’right…’’ he murmured and maybe he would add something more if she hadn’t asked him the very thing he ceaselessly wondered about himself. ‘’you know what… we shouldn’t be talking here like this. I noticed the doors were open and at this time the greenhouse was supposed to be locked. so you have to leave and go back to your dorm,’’ he got up in a matter of seconds and fixed the non-existent wrinkles on his shirt. ‘’come on. up,’’ he said waving his hand to rush her. happiness was an abstract term and the pursuit of happiness seemed to be another ceaseless thing. however, she wasn’t someone he should discuss it with.

all of this should have gone differently. he shouldn’t have lost his authority but should remain insistent on her leaving. he should’ve never mentioned her name. pretending that he didn’t know her, that would be the smartest. now she was turning her hopeful eyes to him and he was acting impolite, stupid and he was beyond uncomfortable. he could deal with flirty twenty year olds, he could even deal with the impossibly rude ones. but she seemed like a child. like someone genuinely impressed by all the small details life brought to you. and he was never like that. not even as a child. ‘’I believe you,’’ he settled on saying only that. because, truth be told, it felt safe to pass by most of the questions she posed. he couldn’t say yes. that he liked it. that he liked the pink hair, because it seemed to be something undeniably unique. she looked like a pixie with that hair. ‘’you do,’’ he finally felt like he could say something without too much thinking about it. ‘’you confuse me a lot. but I think you do that to most of the people around you, so…’’ he settled for a neutral reply, trying not point himself out in particular. as for his personality went and how complicated it was… he probably had no personality. he felt impossibly vacant and numb most of the time, so in comparison to her he was just a vacant shell. she still went on with the flowers thing, for god’s sake. he let out a deep exhale when he stood up and she wasn’t listening to him at all. stubborn little creature. ‘’you have to go. this is breaking and entering. the greenhouse is supposed to be locked at this time,’’ he was repeating himself as a broken record. he was about to give it all up and just walk away, leave her to do whatever the hell she wanted. but she stopped him and she was now walking towards him and then there was a flower in his hand. her fingers were cold on his skin as she closed his hand around the bloom. ‘’rainbow…’’ her name came out as he wanted to deny her request. however the denial itself got stuck somewhere in his throat because she hugged him. she actually hugged him. that was… unexpected. and wrong, mainly wrong, on a lot of different levels. of course she won’t perceive this a wrong, her mind worked differently. he didn’t return the gesture but he stayed still when she moved away. ‘’sometimes,’’ he nodded. ‘’what if you’re never happy?’’ he really meant for the words to come out without any emotions, but his jaw was locked into the place and his lips were forming a thin tense line.

‘’I don’t know about other people, but yeah. you’re confusing me,’’ he admitted in a solemn tone. he could see how easy it would be to talk to her. because her mind worked differently and there were absolutely no judgments there. he told her at least five times by now that he doesn’t care about the thing she loves the most – flowers. and yet she was still acting the same, hope sparkling in her eyes, because she was completely sure that she’ll be able to make him change his mind. make him see the world differently. ‘’I’m not very confusing. I’m pretty shallow. not much complexity to confuse you with,’’ he offered her a small smile and the words were supposed to come out easy and carefree. there was still some heavy weight in the back of that sentence though. ‘’because otherwise some mean people might come here and step on the flowers and ruin the whole garden. that’s why it should be locked. and it’s open during the day, you should plan your visits during the day,’’ he explained to her in a manner that was close to her, even if that made him feel as if he were talking to a five year old girl. ‘’rainbow… you can’t do this. say things like that,’’ he quickly removed her hand away from his chest, even though he could feel the warmth on the very place she touched. it was wrong. ‘’I’m going now, okay. I’ll pretend you weren’t here. just close the door behind you and put that big lock back on somehow,’’ he started moving backwards, away from her, towards the exit. ‘’take care,’’ he nodded in a goodbye and then turned around, walked away. the color pink will probably be on his mind the whole night and the things she asked. and he was still holding that goddamn flower blossom in his hand.