she was somehow worried about his words. there was something strangely determined in them; the need to escort her home himself even, but she was just confused at that point. she thought he said that they weren’t even friends some time ago. but he also kissed her. the memories were mixed up and she wasn’t even sure what happened when. “I just…” she was trying to figure it out; she was confused. “I read about such things. I never thought that… I just…” she just never expected them to happen to her. she lived in her bubble most of the time and everything was nice and good and lovely there. real life was not something that would often hit her… but now it did. and it hurt and it turned her whole world upside down. but then he said something about walking and five minutes and she let him take her somewhere; he still gave her the weird feeling of safeness and she wasn’t ready to let that go. she was holding onto him; her hand was in his because she just needed that somehow and she walked with him.
they came into his room and she walked straight to the bed and sat down on it. she hugged her knees and then pulled herself together. “I don’t want that chocolate,” she decided, smiling weakly at him. she felt like she was going to throw up if she tried to eat anything. she pulled her jacket off and then carefully looked at her bare arms. she frowned a little and she was holding her breath; her skin was red and she could feel a bunch of bruises forming all over her body. she also noticed that her dress was torn. “the worst thing is that no matter what… you can’t know it won’t happen again. it might.” she bit her trembling lip, still trying to breathe normally. “can I stay here?” for the night; for the sake of how safe he made her feel and how very much she would hate to step outside.

there was a weirdly sad smile on her face when she heard his words. ”yeah, I know.” she didn’t like that. she didn’t like bruises and everything that came with that. she was observing her skin with some distance, because she honestly didn’t know how to deal with that. she was never actually bruised by a person – usually she managed to bruise herself because she could be clumsy sometimes, but that was it. this was totally new and she didn’t like it one bit. ”it can happen to anyone, axel. now I know that,” she said, her eyes finally turning away from her skin. she placed her gaze on him. there was something strangely calming on him. she liked that. she liked him, but he was confusing her with that determination he had in his voice. she frowned a little, pushed a strand of her hair away and slowly shook her head. ”I really do appreciate that, but logic tells me that is an impossible promise,” she said. it was true: there was no way he could promise anything like that, it wasn’t like he would be there every time she needed him.  it didn’t make sense and hazel was a very rational human being. he allowed her to stay; the smile that lighted up her face and for the first time this evening it was a genuine smile. she walked to him when he found a shirt. it was everything she needed. ”thank you,” she said, her voice quieter this time. ”for everything. I mean it.” she did – she didn’t know what would happen if he wouldn’t have shown up. she bit her lip; her eyes carefully observing his face for few seconds with a gratitude in her eyes. she turned her back to him in the next moment. ”um, can you… can you help me?” she asked and tilted her head to the side so she could pull most of her hair there. the dress had a zip on the back and she wasn’t able to reach it. in order to get out of it, she needed help and she honestly didn’t even care about him seeing her in the underwear – possible embarrassment  was  flushed away with the evening’s shocking events and hazel didn’t mind anymore.
     

she was almost calm now. she could pretend it was the distance; the room or maybe time that passed since the attack happened, but it wasn’t. she would be lying to herself: it was him. it was axel who made her feel so much better and so much safer. he had no idea how grateful she was for that. she didn’t even dare to think what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up. ”I don’t understand your statement. it shouldn’t happen to anyone,” she said, clearly confused over whatever he was trying to point out. she frowned a little, realizing she was too scared of going out at that moment to be able to say no to him. but his idea wasn’t the best for neither of them. ”we will talk about that some other time, okay?” it was the best solution for the moment. besides, she was too stressed out to even think about the possibility of that same thing happening again. it would scare her – it did already, actually, that was why she shook her head as he spoke again. ”no, I mean… it’s a lot. it definitely means a lot and I cannot express how… how very grateful I actually am.” that was true, she didn’t know how could she ever thank him for what he just did. she stood calmly, waiting for him to undo her dress. his touch on her bare skin was somehow relaxing. she stepped out of the dress and turned around to him to get his shirt and her eyes met his. ”I would be happy if you could stay,” she said, her words quieter now. it was his room, but that wasn’t the reason. ”you somehow make me feel… okay. no, not okay; you make me feel good and safe and everything,” she would be normally blushing at that moment, but not now. now everything was turned upside down and she didn’t even care. ”and I will be okay. I just need something… to take my mind off everything. to be honest, I wouldn’t even dare to fall asleep right now,” she admitted with a whisper and a sad smile. she was afraid of nightmares. she always had those when something stressed her out. ”can I… can I just…” she started, feeling her lips beginning to tremble and then she didn’t bother to ask and just hugged him, forgetting about everything else.
     

she was clearly confused now, but she took his words as something nice he wanted to tell her simply because he assumed she needed something nice at that moment. she did appreciate it, yes, but she didn’t take it too seriously. she just smiled at him. it wasn’t one of her normal smiles, but then again, she wasn’t able to form a normal smile just yet. ”thank you.” it sounded like ‘thank you’ was her new ‘I’m sorry’, but she just had to. ”okay,” she said, her words almost a whisper. she will be better. and he will forget about the deal. after all, she couldn’t just… accept something like that; it would take up a lot of his time and she didn’t want to consume it like that.
she didn’t even think reasonably when she hugged him. she just did it and when he stepped away she suddenly realized that he was right – she wasn’t wearing anything but her underwear and a pair of black panties and a bra probably wasn’t something that was appropriate. no, it surely wasn’t something it was appropriate. her cheeks immediately turned red; she could feel them burning and she swiftly took his shirt and put it on, pulling her hair out and stepping few steps back, clearly embarrassed. ”oh my god,” she said, hugging herself again and panicking a little, this time because she was acting like that. ”I am behaving completely… oh, I am so sorry,” she didn’t even dare to look at him; she somehow found her way to his bed. ”I will just,” she whispered to herself and covered herself with the blankets, feeling her body slightly shaking again. ”I don’t want to hug you,” she murmured, mostly because she felt like she should explain her actions. ”I mean, I know what you said about that and even the… the kiss was way overstepping the boundaries and I shouldn’t, you walked away and that was the end of it;” she clearly believed that she was never going to see him again; or she would and it would just be awkward, but it never crossed her mind he actually liked her like that; ”and I didn’t even realize I was in my underwear and I just really wanted to be close to you but I will stay here. or somewhere else, do you want me to be somewhere else?” she moved; her back was straight now. ”it is your bed. you have to sleep here, I can’t just take over your bed,” she was almost panicking again; this wasn’t her entirely but then again, this evening was different and strange and she felt like she was going to break down sooner or later.
     

she frowned a little when he spoke. “well, I do need to,” she responded, looking at him, “and I am also not sure I understand. I mean, it is just me; why…” she wasn’t even sure how to end that sentence. she didn’t understand what he meant. she didn’t understand that look on his face and she surely didn’t totally get his words. or she did and she refused to. “yeah well, I am not that close to you in any sense,” she was making sense, even though her voice was a bit more quiet as she said that. she liked him; she honestly did, but she wasn’t sure what did he feel and besides, she was way too… herself for something to ever happen between them; at least that was what she believed.
“of course you said that,” her voice was a bit husky now; she wasn’t used to those kind of conversations and she wrapped herself in his blanket to distract herself, even though it didn’t really help because it smelled like him and she noticed it when she was nicely wrapped it. “you are nice, axel, honestly. and… you don’t need to worry about me,” she said, still somehow convinced that he was just looking for a way to let her down easily. he couldn’t possibly want her. it was a bit painful, yeah, but then again; he did walk away and she was never used to such situations because she simply wasn’t used to dealing with them anyway. she frowned a little again and looked at him, not even aware of the sudden sadness in her eyes. “axel, you don’t… you don’t need to go. you have a huge bed.” it was clear that those words were not what she was going to say. she frowned, a bit scared and a bit confused and then bit her lip. “I would really like it if you could stay here. somewhere… close. tonight was stressful enough and I am…” she bit her lip again, stronger. what the hell was she even doing? this wasn’t her. this wasn’t something she would ever say, but it didn’t matter. she finished her sentence with a whisper. “scared.”
     

she was most certainly confused and she was getting more and more unsure when he kept talking, but this time she didn’t say anything. she didn’t understand; she couldn’t, not right now. it was probably for the best: she knew she will have to find a nice, quiet place to think everything through and to figure things out, even though she also knew that she will probably make the wrong assumptions. people were complicated, but she was able to somehow get them if she wasn’t personally involved. otherwise it was just messy. she sighed and nodded her head and then let go of the hair she was playing with. she didn’t have anything to say. she didn’t know what she would even want to say, so she remained silent.
he joined her under the blankets and she remained completely still, somehow scared out of her mind of pretty much everything. she already managed to embarrass herself once this evening; hugging him in her underwear really wasn’t the best idea, but then again, she didn’t even feel like herself this evening. the only familiar thing were her burning checks. but then he spoke again; his words were quiet now and somehow calming for her and she turned on her side too; looking at him, even though he wasn’t even lying in the bed. ”I somehow didn’t think that you meant that,” she admitted, her words also a mere whisper. ”I mean, it is something people say. and I guess that what I did was… reckless. even though I really wanted to,” she smiled to herself and then looked at him. ”you don’t need to be like that. you can… relax,” she said, frowning because she didn’t realize how that would sound. ”I mean, it is your bed. you should make yourself comfortable and all. I will remain calm and still, I promise,” she managed to smile at him.
     

she had to smile. ”I could’ve guessed that,” she admitted with a tiny spark in her eyes. well, he was an honest person and she also considered him a good person. he was also really into science and all of that together could’ve told her that he was the kind of person who doesn’t waste words for nothing. but she was too scared and she honestly couldn’t exactly believe that he could actually like her. she always had problems grasping that concept. she nodded understandingly when he went on, even though she couldn’t stay quiet all the time. ”you don’t need to. I mean, if you don’t want to… don’t force yourself into explaining. it would be lovely to know and all, but I don’t want to put any pressure or anything on you,” her voice was still quiet. this was some sort of a sleepover she didn’t expect to happen and it was really nice and it felt like they shared a secret, but then again, they did share a secret anyway. ”oh gosh,” she had to giggle to herself and she quickly shook her head no. ”I don’t do that. I never do that. it was always somehow unimaginable for me to even think that I could possibly be capable of that. you are the first person I ever kissed like that,” she admitted with a whisper. she felt safe. he made her feel like she could just blurt out all of her thoughts and he would understand. she frowned a little when he said something about relaxing that she didn’t quite get but it was still okay. way better than anything else at that moment and she even forgot about the burning pain. she could feel it, yeah, but it was from the distance so it was okay. she remained completely still when his hand approached her ear and pushed away a strand of hair, but then she couldn’t help herself but smile widely; there was something honestly happy in her eyes, even though she didn’t quite realize that. she never did that. ”yeah, I think I would like that very much a lot,” she said and felt like a total idiot who just couldn’t stop smiling.