location; the grand hall

it was the safest choice by far. to buy lucia. he would’ve gone for nola if his sister decided to participate – of course he’ll try to outbid jean, just to make her boyfriend work a little harder. but when he saw lucia standing up there, he knew they had to make amends. the last time they spoke was at the valentine’s ball dance and at the event everything went sour. secrets were revealed, relationship shattered, friendships broken. he never saw lineke after that again and he had a good feeling lucia was right back to avoiding him. however, he never did try to search her out either. he was figuring his shit out. he was dealing with mindy, then he was dealing with kaisa and honestly, nowadays he spent all of his time with his girlfriend. he intended to drop out when the year rolls around and he was making quite a few changes in his life. patching the broken bond, no matter how weak it was before, with lucia was on the list as well. he saw her waiting for him near the entrance and he walked towards her with a careful small smile on his face. ‘’hey. I guess you’re doomed to spend the evening with me…’’ he started to say as he was close enough: ‘’I’m sorry for the last time. the valentines dance. if I’ve overstepped boundaries or… just sorry. and if you want to leave right now, I do understand.’’

tag: noam

she was happy that she got 'sold' to noam. yes, he was the only one who participated, but it could've been some freakish perverted pedophile. well, no. lucia was an adult. but still, a lot of people weren't normal at this school. some people like to drink, smoke or do drugs. some enjoy feasting on other people's secrets. speaking of secrets, she never talked to noam after the valentine's dance and it wasn't his fault. she felt bad about it. he tried to calm them down, make sure everything is okay. but instead, they just told him to mind his own bussiness. it wasn't fair to him. and noam was right. they were panicking, not thinking. he was the only one that didn't lose his mind. he was just trying to help. for lucia it was even worse, because she tries to be nice to everyone. and she was rude to someone, who was just trying to help. "hi. at least it's not stalking me after class." she replied with a smile. avoiding him had no point now. she had to spend an evening with him. she shook her head in disagreement. "no. it's not your fault. you were the one that was right. i just ... overreacted." it was one of the rare moments, when she was wrong. it was hard admitting it, but there is no point in lying to yourself. "sorry for yelling at you and acting like a ..." she would say the b word, but she never cussed and she's not going to start doing it now. "mean person." she finally finished her sentence. it probably sounded too innocent and childish, but she couldn't care less.

a sigh of relief escaped him when she looked up, smiled and replied. it was progress. it meant maybe this night wasn’t destined for doom. ‘’how is buying you at an auction and buying for company for the entire evening better than stalking?’’ he smiled back and went to lean on the wall next to her pushing his hands down the front pockets of his jeans, because honestly he had no idea what else to do with them. he stood next to her, eyes fixated on the tips of his shoes. ‘’I think we were all at fault a little. I think our characters quite shone through in the temporary crisis,’’ he replied while shrugging his shoulders. the essence of their personalities came to the surface, simple as that. wasn’t there some kind of a saying about your true self surfacing in the moment of crisis, in the moment of need? there had to be something silly along those lines. ‘’it’s fine. I thought you were mad at me, you don’t need to apologize,’’ he retorted right away before looking at her perplexed: ‘’mean?’’ he shook his head. she wasn’t mean. ‘’you stood up for yourself, you weren’t mean,’’ he continued, looking away to her, his eyes momentarily searching through their surroundings. ‘’what should we do? I didn’t even plan to buy anyone so I don’t exactly have this whole wild plan scribbled out for us to follow. and... oh, I heard you have a boyfriend? that true?’’ he shifted the attention to her smiling lightly: ‘’it’s funny how things change in only a month, isn’t it?’’

tag: noam

she couldn't help but laugh. there was it, their usual teasing and joking around. well, usually it was more serious, since she didn't feel comfortable around him. but she's changed. got a little tiny bit more confident and realised that all people aren't bad. "you're right. it's a lot worse. but at least i got myself into that position." she accepted it that she will be sold to someone when she signed up. but it was for charity, right? she didn't feel comfortable talking about that night. she felt guilty and it freaked her out, that someone could just find out her secrets. she didn't write them in a diary or anything. just a password protected file on her password protected computer. she thought that they were safe, as she had a little knowledge about hacking things. she protected the information, but needed to get it out somehow. "yeah. it was a night full of unpleasant surprises for everyone, so it should be understandable." but lucia wasn't a rude or a confident person. it was just her, trying to protect herself. "well, it felt like i was being rude to you. sorry." it was her habit, to apologise, even if she didn't make a mistake. she took a full look of the place for the first time. "i'm bad at ideas for socializing." everything at swansr+trom was so magnificent. she loved the place. "seriously? does everyone know about this? gosh." she liked alec a whole lot, but didn't like the fact that the whole school knew. "and yes. his name is alec." she added, to clear things up. "they do. and as far as i hear, for you they changed too, right?" she never gossiped herself, but heard a decent amount of things. she usually forgot them, there was no need for gossip to be in her head, it was sotred away in her mind palace. she only decided to remember things for people she knew, considered friends.

hopefully the pleasant surprise wasn’t written all over his face. but he was looking at her completely astounded by the laughter that escaped her. she laughed. he was used to half-smiles or an occasional sincere wide smile or two. laughter was unfamiliar. it felt as if she started to open up to the world ever since he last saw her. maybe the events at the dance forced her to come out of her shell and fight her stand. ‘’you’ve changed,’’ he observed out loudly: ‘’I don’t mean it in a bad way, but… you’re laughing and you’re… I’m glad. I’m really happy for you, lucia.’’ the words were sincere. how she signed up for the auction, how she didn’t hide away from his searching eyes. amazing. ‘’it was pretty shite, yeah,’’ he nodded: ‘’it’s in the past now. half of the things are already forgotten. I received a letter from the academy. had to go to a disciplinary meeting and was questioned about the, um, thing with the professor. I’m sort of on probation now, but… I intend to drop out after this year anyhow.’’ he simply started explaining everything to her, he almost forgot already how easy it was to talk with her once she opened up. in the past he had to fight for this rare moments, now they only strolled along naturally. shit, he really was impressed. ‘’news travel fast around here,’’ he shrugged. by now he already got used to the fact that everyone’s relationships were usually fully on display. he was glad they ‘ve been leaving his nollie out of the rumour mill lately. ‘’hm. I guess. I have a girlfriend and I moved to my sister’s apartment to be closer to her. I’m making some changes in my life and I’d like to believe that eventually it will all turn me into… a better person? I don’t know. I just hope that I won’t screw up so much in the future as I did in the past,’’ he replied after a short pause. hopefully things will turn out for the better.

tag: noam

it was funny seeing noam, all wide-eyed and surprised. "i guess. i think that my life got to a point when i realised, that if i want friends, i need to stop being afraid." no, she hasn't conquered that fear yet. it's still there. but ... she knows noam in a way. she's spoken to him before. it's not like they just met. it made her feel better and she opened up a tiny bit more. "what?!" she stopped in her tracks, looking at him in shock. "you can't drop out!" he was doing the unspeakable. how, why, what? "why would you do that? you only have one more year to go!" she tried to reason with him. there was no way, she would just let him go. "why not one more year? so you finish something?" why the heck would he give up now? it made no sense. he wouldn't have university finished that way. he probably knew that, but still. "do you know how much time you lose, and potentially damage your future career?" she was all about future. do that for a good job, do something for a career, give this amount of time for a good future. she wanted her friends to live well aswell. it would be stupid of noam, to let it go now. she really didn't understand. well, she never understood when people dropped out of college or high school. why? noam surely wasn't doing that bad. "i know it doesn't really matter, but i wouldn't drop out if i were you." she'd never even skip a class. but drop out? whywhywhywhywhywhy? it made no sense. she frowned. "yeah, a bit too fast." and too frequently. it was one of the things, not okay about the uni. why did people feel the need to gossip the soul out of everything? it was like, you can't even get a coffee with someone, without the whole school knowing, talking behind your back. "good for you. change is good. and becoming a better person is always a great goal to set, so ... yay."  her new year's resolution was always to try and be a better version of her previous self. she liked to keep improving and upgrading. you'll never be perfect, but she was like that. i want perfect, i will do it. in reality, it couldn't happen. she knew that. she just refused to let it sink in.

once for a change, she was the one being entertained in the conversation, while he was completely taken with surprise. ''fear can be paralyzing, yes,'' he slowly nodded. he was trying to force himself to close his mouth and deal with the fact she changed. and the change was good. ''i'm so fucking proud of you, i'm sorry. i'm acting silly. it's just that... this is good, hell, this is amazing,'' he started to get really exciting even if the buzz was slightly killed by her sudden outburst. maybe he should've sugar-coated the words about his termination of studies. apparently that upset her quite a bit. ''I… you’ve heard me,’’ he waved his hand to the side and dropped his gaze away from her as she went on with a whole series of questions. this was exactly what happened when he told this to nola – or better yet, simply dropped the bomb and waited for the aftermath. ‘’because I’m pretty much miserable?’’ he didn’t know why the words turned out like a question, probably because he felt as if he was letting her down. which was silly. ‘’I’m not happy, lucia. my studies don’t interest me at all and I always put in the very minimum of an effort. I don’t go to class at all and the exams are a joke for me. I have no idea what I do want to do, but I know this is not it,’’ he started to explain and then sat down on the bench on the side of the hall when they came near it. he leaned forward, resting on his elbows on the knees. ‘’I have to drop out. I have to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. and before you ask – no, I don’t know what I’ll do next year. I don’t have a plan,’’ he murmured and really, he was the biggest loser. he knew that. but he was tired of doing things that simply weren’t making him happy. ‘’yay,’’ he smiled at her, looking her way from the side, his head tilted a little: ‘’huh. a boyfriend. so what’s the lucky guy like? a smart cookie like you? oh, is he a football player? that would be… hm, quite something.’’

tag: noam

"yes, but fear can also free you." it was fear that liberated her. if she hadn't been afraid, she'd probably still be in sweden, locked up. fear was good. to some extents, of course. you made decisions you normally wouldn't. sometimes it was for the best, sometimes for the worst. "yes. i was wrong to be so mean to you all the time. sorry about that." she smiled and was really happy about the change. she could grow(her personality, obviously) and become a better person. "i was just scared." she learned that she has to take risks in order to make her life more enjoyable. all of her risky moves turned out great for her, so she opened up and allowed others to see a bit more than just a quiet girl. noam surprised her. but not in a good way. he did realise that he is wasting time. "y-yes, i did." to her, it was something unimaginable. for her to drop out was worse than killing kittens. she sat down next to him, determined to help him solve this. "alright. what does interest you? not like a subject, more like hobbies and such." he was right in some way. if you don't love what you do, there is no point in pursuing it. you'll only be unhappy and won't be doing anyone any good. it was like that with people, who got into medicine for money. they either dropped out or were snappy and rude doctors that no one likes. "why did you enroll in the first place?" there had to be something that sparked his interest. it would be reckless to just cross a major on the application with closed eyes and hope for the best. "okay. if you ever need any help, you can ask me." she loved to help people, her friends in particular. it would be no problem for her to help him. and she felt a tiny bit sorry for noam. she had no idea how he felt. probably trapped in a life he doesn't want. she knew lots about situations like that. she wanted to help. it was all she wanted. to be a good person. "what does your family think?" it was a touchy subject. parents weren't usually happy with their kid announcing to just drop out. she smiled. "yes. weird, huh?" she never expected to have a boyfriend, let alone someone like alec. "he is smart. and no football. he does boxing. and used to do hockey." and odd combination. but she liked it. "and why would it be something, if i were dating a football player? surely they are not all arrogant and  stupid." it was the stereotype. yes, there probably was a bunch of them who fit the idea, but there must be people who aren't like that.

‘’I don’t feel particularly free these days. to me it feels very much paralyzing,’’ he shrugged his shoulders. in all honesty he really was becoming paralyzed with fear. even more with not knowing what the fuck to do. he was spinning in circles ever since january and it wasn’t a good feeling. he was always on the same stupid track and he was in a desperate need to break away from it. ‘’I don’t know, lucia. I honestly don’t know what do with myself. but it’s definitely not a boring job in diplomacy or in a company or… I don’t know,’’ okay, if she’ll push him farther with this topic he will start panicking. which is definitely a rare sight. ‘’I’m good with people. or I was good with people. then it turned out I suck at dealing with people and everything went upside down,’’ he groaned in frustration as he started to fix the collar of the shirt he was wearing even if it wasn’t too tight and even if it wasn’t really making it harder for him to breathe. ‘’for nola. I went here with her. she couldn’t be alone after what happened back at l.a. and I decided I’m not leaving her alone anymore. and it was okay. as long as she needed me everything worked. she doesn’t need me anymore and… it seems no one does, since mindy left and. okay, this is… sorry. we should, um, talk about something else,’’ he smiled and then nodded at her offer. ‘’nola is outraged. education means a lot to her. haven’t talk to my father yet. we don’t talk much, anyhow. and thanks, I’ll, I’ll keep that in mind,’’ he added another nod. he never in his lifetime had a sincere heart-to-heart conversation with his father. ‘’they’re not. but I can’t imagine you with someone like that,’’ he shrugged in an explanation, then leaned back on the bench. ‘’hm. I’m glad I bought you.’’

tag: noam

"i guess the situation one is in defines it." he was right. it could be both, depending on what was the fear, how well could you control it. and it was all that life is. controlling your fear, being either free or paralyzed. making decisions and living with them. those were the main things in life. no more, no less. and then little bits and pieces of your personality made their way in. for lucia, that was learning, helping, working. busy bee. it helps you to forget, to think about other things. it's better. "it's progress. no office jobs. and that eliminates at least a quarter of majors." she really wanted to help him. it wasn't as much that she felt sorry for him as it was that she considered him her friend. friends help eachother. it was her intention to do good, so he is happy. "i would say something with persuading people to do stuff." he had the charm, was good with words and it's people. "trust me, you're good with people. i talk to you. that's impressive."in the end it was her choice, but he always took time to talk to her, never lost hope or determination. she could definitely see him in a job with lots of people. he had the skills, he is just missing the faith. in himself and others, but mostly himself. lucia believed that he will make it. he had a strong will and he was stubborn. she picked that up on their many talks and stalkings. it tells you a lot about a person. "calm down noam. everything will be okay. it might take a bit of time, but eventually, everything will sort itself out." he just needed to breathe. lucia wasn't good with people as noam was. she just acted on instinct and hoped for the best. and when she'll have her license, she will carry morphine around. everyone will be super calm then. "i don't mind. and she is right and wrong. education is important, but meaningless if you don't enjoy what you study." it was self-explanatory. how will you succeed in something you hate? "alright." she still didn't know why. but then, she rarely knew why on topics like this. "thank you. and would it be inappropriate to ask you why?" she didn't get it. why would she be such good company? "ah, nevermind. why are you glad?" she decided to just forget her manners and find out. she never liked suspense and unanswered questions anyway.

he nodded his head in agreement. not everyone’s fears or pain was the same. you could never quite compare two different human beings differently, since everyone was an individual primarily and only secondary a social creature. people varied. made only sense fears did too. ‘’look at you, are you trying to help me find a future career?’’ he smiled at her as she started crossing items off of an imaginary list of prosperous careers. ‘’I’m not sure if it’s such an important skill. being good with people. you can’t make a career out of small talk, can you?’’ he raised his brows at her. it wasn’t easy. you always needed additional skills. and he didn’t like studying. didn’t like being confined in certain boxes, expected to do certain things. ‘’yes, well. it took a lot of effort and time to make you open up just a little. but… it’s not really me. you could’ve just as easily ignored me,’’ he sighed, going back to staring at the ends of his shoes. ‘’maybe it doesn’t matter? maybe I should simply pack my bags, buy a ticket to nowhere and eventually I might figure it out? it’s not like I need answers right away? I should’ve done this before college, though. before enrolling here. but leaving nollie alone wasn’t really an option,’’ he shrugged in the end. he didn’t regret it, not really. his sister always came first, before everything and everyone else. ‘’of course,’’ he agreed – everything will sort itself out. ‘’why?’’ he repeated after her, slightly surprised. he didn’t expect he’ll have to justify his opinion. ‘’I like you, simple as that.’’ it was, it was very simple.

tag: noam

"well, i like to help." especially friends. and noam did help her to come out of her shell, in a way, so she wanted to do something nice for him as well. her life was so much better now and noam playeda part in the process of achieving that. "oh gosh, am i being intrusive?" seeming nosy was one of many things she didn't want to be. "because if i am, you can just say. i'll be quiet." she knew how annoying an intrusive person it. it was none of her business, where he'll go to school, what he'll study or do with his life. "it is. imagine a social worker with no people skills. horror. or a psychologist." there was a whole bunch of jobs where you needed just a tiny bit of studying and people skills. people skills were essential. even doctors needed them. "or you could be a nurse" she giggled. it was a funny thought, of him in a white uniform. especially if you imagine noam in women's uniform. it would be quite a sight. "but i didn't. i don't really know why. but i couldn't. so, you obviously are good with people." she didn't want to, no matter how out of her comfort zone it was. he made her feel safe somehow. in a friendly way, which she liked. you couldn't be nervous around him. noam was so calming. that could surely be used somwhere. she smiled at him. "maybe, yes. or it will just come to you. you will wake up and have an unexplainable desire to study - i don't know - astronomy." it wasn't a suitable subject for noam at all, too much studying, not enough people. it was something she'd study, if she couldn't do medicine and computers. "it's nice you care so much for her." he was a great older brother from what she has heard. she would want someone like that in her life, but simply acceped the fact that she won't get it. but she did have an amazing boyfriends and really good friends, which was already unbelievable. "oh. that's ... not complicated. i expected a motive." like, let's figure out my future career, who would i want for that? lucia, obviously. she didn't understand, how she would be a likable person, such a likable person someone would pay for to hang out. she couldn't imagine it.